Gone Too Soon

I have been putting this blog off for at least a week now. I actually did write a post about the events of our misscarriage but have decided not to post it for the time being.

It would be rather depressing for some. So instead I will stick with this short and sweet version.

As you all know Ricky and I were excitedly awaiting the arrival of a 2nd edition to our little family.

One April 3rd, 2011 all of that changed. I was somewhat expecting it to happen because of the events of the week prior but nothing can ever prepare you for the actual loss of a child no matter the age of gestation or life.

We lost our little one right around 3pm at the close of the last session of General Confrence.

I wont go in to detail of the actual event as it was actually a very personal and yet spiritual encounter for us. (me)

We took a trip out to Bellevue to go to Deseret Book store because I had a $5 coupon with them, and I had every intention of purchasing the book 'Gone Too Soon.' I think at the time I was in a bit of the denial stage of things. I held the book in my hand and decided 'I don't need this, at least not right now.'

So we got a couple of other things instead. I had my moments on and off throughout the week and into the weekend. I went shopping at the Supermall and found it hard to even shop for clothes for Hyrum because at any store, I would have to pass the infant and baby clothes section to get to Hyrums section of size clothing.

Let's just say, I was in and out of each store within minutes and didn't buy anything at all..

As the next weekend came we went to Beehive Books in Edgewood so I could buy some new neck ties for Hyrum for church.. While there I ended up grabbing the book 'Gone too Soon' and finally purchasing it.

I am glad that I did. It is a great book. It is very informative medically, as well as comforting. I highley recommend it. It's a quick read but a great one.

I kept thinking that maybe I shouldn't be feeling sad about the loss because the pregnancy was still a bit early but this book lets you know that no matter how small, or young, weather it be 5weeks along to a still birth at full turn, it is still a very sad and traumatic event and you shouldn't let people try to dissmiss it.

I'm sure I will still have my moments from time to time but I am doing well.

I believe in a life after this and that there is a plan for everyone. I also believe that one day, we will be reunited with lost loved ones and family members.

I want my baby, miss my baby, and wish I wouldn't have misscarried.

But, I also believe that somebody had other plans and intentions and that we will have another chance.

On Another Note;

Yesterday I recieved a call from Barb. She is my Nurse Practioner that I use at Valley Womens Clinic when I need an apointment but don't need to see my OBGYN. She is great. I absolutly love her.

She is the one that helped up through the week leading up to the misscarriage. She was hopefull that things were going to work out and go well because everything in my uterus looked absolutly perfect, even with the baby except for the fact that things didn't measure up to the date it should have been.

Yesterday I recieved a personal phone call from her extending her condolences and appologizing for her hopefullness during the week when things didn't end well. I never placed ANY type of blame on her and I was never even upset for her 'giving us false hope.' Because she didn't.

I had a gut feeling from the moment things didn't add up that things weren't going to go well. Once a womans body decides to misscarry or terminate a pregnancy, there is absolutly nothing at all that any doctor on this earth can do to stop it from happening..

and these things are never anybodys fault

I was very surprised by the phone call. I wasn't expecting to get one at all. In fact it didn't even cross my mind.

We had a great experience with Valley Womens clinic as well as Valley Medical Centers hospital throughout my pregnancy and delivery with Hyrum. When we found out we were expecting it didn't even cross my mind to go to another facility, though I did toy with the idea of trying out one of Valleys midwives to try an all natural pain medicine free birth.

I love Valley and can't even wrap the idea of delivering at any other hospital around my little brain.

The entire staff at Valley Womens clinic have always been the most pleasant and respectfull people to deal with and when we went through our misscarriage at Valley Medical hospital they were all very kind and helpfull through the process.

I appreciate everybodies kind words, thoughts and prayers while we have been dealing with this.

One can never prepare for the loss of a baby, or child and my heart goes out to all mothers and famlies who have had to live through such an experience.